Gone are the days when I thought that putting bigger wheels on the back axle of a vehicle would cause it to be propelled forward by the mere force of gravity. But when I was being driven past this Meme Store in one of the open breezy local jeepneys, I could not repress the hope that that the existence of a business that sold memes was really true.
I practically shouted to Marie, "Look! A meme store!" I gestured out the window at the redness of the store.
She asked, "What is a meme?"
I said, "A unit of culture! An idea that propagates like a virus! Let's get off!" I was terribly excited. As we walked, I explained further, "A virus reproduces by invading the cells of its host and using the cellular machinery to replicate its viral DNA. In the case of the meme, the infovirus is so attractive to the human brain that it compels the host to spread the meme hither and yon."
Marie asked, "What is a hither?
"Wait", I explained.
As we entered the store I saw an older filipino standing behind the counter. I asked, "You sell memes?"
He smiled, "Sure Joe, and CocaCola. Trade too."
"Do you know Dawkins?", I asked.
"Sorry Joe. Don't know."
"What memes do you have?", I asked.
"Do you like American Idol?"
"Love it!", I smiled.
"Got one of them."
"How much?"
"A thousand pesos."
"How about a trade?", I countered, always the trader.
"What you got Joe?"
"Tequila dressing!"
"OK Joe. You first."
"OK. When you make your salad, add a shot of lime juice, some olive oil, salt, and a shot of tequila. Spices are up to you. I like pepper and Italian herbs."
"Arai! Lots of pepper Joe?"
"Sure, but I use the western black pepper.. You can try different herbs like cilantro and maybe some Chinese lajiao."
"Nice Joe. I make you good trade for American Idol meme."
"Good. Let me have it", I asked eagerly.
"Yo listen Dude! Randy Jackson is an animatronic robot straight from Disney. He's in it to win it!"
"Isn't that a little weak?", I complained.
"Sure Joe. I give you a freebee", and he whistled a four bar tune. It was so bloody catchy I whistled back the next four bars without even knowing them.
But I curse the day I found the meme store. I cannot get that little tune out of my head. It is as annoying as the good humor man ditty.
I went back to the Meme store yesterday. The man greeted me, "Hi Joe, you want meme?"
"No dammit! I want to get this song out of my head! Help me!"
"Cost you extra Joe."
"OK, anything", I was desperate.
I gave him the money and he said, "Wait here Joe." He went in the back room and came out with a magazine. He opened it to a page entitled Bugatti Veyron. I will never forget the photo. The tune is gone. I crave speed. My pillow has bite holes in it. I dream of spaceships. I have had to go shopping for new trousers for a gentleman who dresses on the left. That's me. A leftist.
